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Cheeks in a Bowl Valentine’s List

February 17, 2008
First, some explanations. This is a post dedicated to me (ehem) by my one true love (will somebody pinch me, please; I’m turning insufferably maudlin). I’m not going to post the link here, but do leave me a comment indicating your email address (naturally, tweak it some to prevent data mining bots from picking it up) if you want proof that this post does exist. By the way, this post was written a few days before February 14. One other thing: I am Bhenki or Bhenks. It’s some name he has christened me with for a valid and humorous reason which I cannot seem to recall now. Anyway, the reason may not have stuck around but the nickname definitely did. Finally, don’t wait for an explanation of the title for you definitely won’t get any.
So that’s it for explanations. Read on… but do leave me a comment afterwards. 😉

Valentine’s Day will come and go – and Bhenki and I will probably do no more than talk to each other on the phone. Long distance relationships are inevitably hard, and the distance becomes even harder to bear when I think about the fact that we’ll probably stick out like sore thumbs on Valentine’s Day.

We’ll probably wish we could go out together and demolish an 18-inch, 4-cheese pizza – from Yellow Cab, perhaps? Or maybe we’ll want to watch a movie; we’ll come armed with our favorite movie-mode sustenance: 2 large-size Cokes and a large platter of nachos doused liberally with cheese and extra toppings (Nacho King nachos, definitely).

Of course, we’ll probably wish we could drink coffee afterwards – café latte grande for me (no vanilla, no caramel, no frills) and, for Bhenks, whatever coffee flavor happens to catch her fancy (she likes trying different flavors of coffee; I don’t). We’ll talk about nonsense things like “Wisdoom” and we’ll probably end up discussing some serious stuff like “Bayani for President” and the like, too. She’ll probably not notice it, but all the while, I’ll be constantly worrying about the structural integrity of the flimsy-looking chair I’ll be sitting on (would it be able to hold my weight? dare I move? dare I even breathe?)

Now, it may be true that Valentine’s Day is not celebrated at the same time all around the world, but one thing’s certainly the same worldwide – Valentine’s Day gifts: chocolates for some, flowers for most and usually a teddy bear as well. Not me, though. I want my Bhenki’s eyes to pop out and glaze over as she opens my Valentine’s gift.

I want my gift to be so great that she will sleep hugging it tight, just like when she was a kid and still believed in Santa Claus, Mr. Peso man or whatever. I want my gift to be so surprising that when she first sees it, she’ll emit a squeak, jump up and down and hug me for the rest of the afternoon. Mostly, I want her to feel what I feel whenever I think about her, listen to her voice, or just simply hold her to me – MAGIC; 8 (approaching 9) years of it stuffed in a big colored box…

Of course, I could always stuff HER in the box, he he, but I don’t think that’ll get the point across. So instead, here are my “magic in a box” Valentine’s Day gift ideas:

Quantum Core Laptop with Complete Peripherals
She’s probably the only girl I know who has no interest in jewelry, fashion accessories, etc. A quantum-core laptop though? That’s a different thing altogether (especially since she won’t have to buy the peripherals). Through this, she can stay connected to the web (which, by the way, she thinks is her second home), 24/7.

Completed Masteral Thesis
It may be just a thick pile of papers, but to her, it will mean liberation from years and years of pressure, procrastination and general mental anguish. It will be like shackles falling off someone’s bound hands; the completed masteral thesis will give her wings so she can fly high, it will give her the freedom to move forward, blah, blah, clichés, and more clichés. Of course, perfectionist that she is, she will probably scour it for grammatical mistakes and such. He he he

Time Turner and Bhenks Duplicator
She’s always wishing that there were more hours in a day; there is just too much she wants to do. Thus, I’ll give her a time turner and a Bhenks Duplicator (uhm, if such things exist, of course). This way, she can zip back in time to complete whatever she needed to complete yet had no time to do so or maybe split herself into two, three or more Bhenkis at a time, doing all the different things that she wants done while the original comes with me on a cross-country/backpacking trip and a leisurely tour around the world 🙄 (two more things in her wish list).

Cravings Vending Machine
To satisfy all those food cravings that seem to come out of nowhere, I want to give her the ultimate cravings machine – through which she can teleport right onto her tabletop whatever she wants to eat, anytime she wants it. Babba Shawarma, Mann Hann Fried Rice, Pizza Hut Supreme Pizza, UP Diliman Law Building’s Roast Beef with mashed potatoes – all these will become available through one push of a button. Of course, I hope I’ll be able to use the machine from time to time, too. 😦

Automatic Weight Control Technology
Of course, the cravings vending machine above should come with an automatic weight control technology. Otherwise, all I’ll ever see are binge sessions and a Bhenks that seesaws between food trips and guilt-induced, crash diets – with me caught in the middle as the devil incarnate.

Perhaps the only dog she has ever loved. Pumba died because she couldn’t get over the fact that she wasn’t a dog (I’m NOT kidding!). In a sense, Pumba was right because between Bhenki and me, she was family. I wish there’s a way I could bring our dog back. That would really make Bhenki’s day.

Temper Control Gun
He he, this is not for her, really. It’s something I’ll give her to use on me. She probably sometimes wishes that she has a way to shut me up and to stop me from nagging her during a fight. Well, with a temper control gun and a license to shoot, she’ll probably need bullet refills every once in a while. I can just imagine how things will play out once she has such a gun: I’m screaming… “WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR!!!!…” a loud BANG!!… then I, contrite, will say in a gentle-as-a-pussycat tone, “Oh, I love you so much bebeh!” He he. I know she’ll dig this gift. Hell, from what I know of her, she’ll probably even shoot me from time to time just for the fun of it.

Self Updating Pocketbook Library and a Lazy Boy Couch
Reading pocketbooks is probably one of her greatest passions in life and, consequently, one of the regular things in her to-do list everyday. A self-updating pocketbook library and a lazy boy chair will definitely appeal to her bookworm/couch-potato inclinations.

These things – except the Lazy Boy and the Masteral thesis (which she won’t buy anyway even if it were offered to her) – don’t exist in the real world (ask eBay; I did), however. Maybe, it is just as well. Maybe magic isn’t really meant to fit inside a box anyway. But it does fit perfectly well inside a human heart. Hope my vivid imagination makes up for my absence. 😀

Happy Valentine’s Day Bhenki!!


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