Good morning, my fellow classmates of Lone Peak High School. It is indeed a beautiful morning, and I would like to thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedules to listen to me today, and I am honored that I had the chance to talk to you. For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Colin Skillings, I’m seventeen years old, I get good grades, I’m really cool, you should just trust me on what I’m going to tell you, etcetera.
Today I am speaking to you on a subject that I feel very strongly about, and I hope that after I’m done you might see my points and come to the realization that I’m right. First I must apologize for getting emotional, for I tend to get emotional when I feel so strongly about a topic. Just kidding not really, but I am pretty darn serious about my subject.
So here’s a scenario, tell me if this has ever happened to you, you wake up, it’s a beautiful morning, and you managed to go to bed at an early time the previous evening and you woke up feeling great! You drive to school and right when you pull in to the parking lot, and there it is, the golden front parking space, could this day get any better? You then happily pull in and get out of your car to go to school, and of course you are pumped to attend your B2 class, so you approach the doors to our “World Class High School” and push open the doors to find all of your joy completely sucked out of you, all of your happiness was put in a blender, run over by a car and buried in a cold grave. You opened the doors to find such a repulsive display of love, the horrid brushing of the noses back and forth. The tickling of the waist, the giggling, the staring, the humiliating, and then there it is! The shame-bringing finale! The witnessing of the oh so not romantic smack of the lips that brings your honey nut cheerios back to your mouth. I stared in horror as I witnessed two sophomores, struggling so hard to make this “kiss” one of their best. I pointed at them in horror and continued to point at them until I rounded the corner. Throughout the rest of the day I could not concentrate, flashes of what I just saw kept popping in and out of my head! I could hear the girl
giggling during math, the picture of their swap of saliva during history, and I wont even comment on what I imagined when we learned about childbirth in EMS class. My day was ruined, my mind poisoned.
I hope you have all realized that I came here today to speak to you on the subject of the Public Display of Affection, or as many of us know it as, PDA. According to Wikipedia the definition of PDA is, the physical demonstration of affection for another person while in the view of others. Or in laymans terms, bleh! I think you get my point. PDA is just plain gross, and embarrassing. And unfortunately our own school, Lone Peak High, we are suffering from this sad embarrassing subject. Way to go guys, so much for World Class.
At least twice a day I see some form of horrid PDA. Whether it is the classic super serious hug before class (you can really tell when they get into it when they close their eyes and bury their faces in each other’s necks, and hug for a good meaningful twenty seconds (SO CUTE!)), or whether it’s the kiss before class, then they part dramatically like one of them is going off to war. Its okay lovers, you won’t see each other for an hour and a half, take it easy. But wait! Sometimes it doesn’t end there, the best is when they are holding hands and they slowly let go trying to get every last second in of their hands touching, until their fingertips part, but when they really like each other, one of the lovers re-grabs the hand of the other and pulls them back in for a sexy hot kiss. Yeah baby! Who cares if they are tardy? They are in love! Well guess who cares? ME!
And I know what all you guys are thinking right now. Colin is just a sore loser and he never has had a girlfriend, and he never has kissed before. He’s just being a jerk because he is jealous! Well you guys are wrong, I have “smoochied” a girl before okay? So back off. And I’ll admit, smoochin a girl is very neat. But guess what, I didn’t do it in front of everyone! What kind of examples are these PDA-“ists” showing our younger generation? Oh man! If I saw some guy lockin lips with my little sister during school, oh sweet molasses, I’d be in prison for assault in a jiffy! These people are ruining the days of thousands of students. We must act now! Luckily I have thought of a few solutions my self to help solve this problem.
Welcome to Colin Skillings Steps to Rid PDA from the face of the earth. Basically what it all comes down to is make them feel stupid, and awkward. One of the first steps I have tried and tested is, to compliment and cheer them on! Tell them they are the cutest things you have ever seen! Clap, cheer, and whistle! Act like its Christmas morning! Although they will give you dirty looks, it is quite satisfying to see their faces turn bright cherry red as they run off around the corner. A second step would be to get angry at them. Yell phrases like “Save it for your Spouse!”, or “Its great you found love, but do the lovin’ somewhere else!”, or just pull out the brilliant classic “ Get a room!”. These are all quite effective. And don’t even feel guilty for saying these things. You are doing a deed to the school, you are doing a favor for them even! You are saving them from shaming their family names! You’re a hero! Pat yourself on the back.
And a last and final step that is only to be used in drastic situations, is to try and join them. But please use this with caution. I have had a bad experience myself. You may recall a group of people who liked to “Group Spoon” with each other. Well I decided to join them and I cuddled right up next to a handsome fellow with his lady. Well his lady grabbed my leg and said the words “Alex. Scoot in and get closer.” I was horrified, they accused me as one of their own. I ran for my life. But don’t worry that will hardly ever happen. Try a different approach. When they are kissing, just try to nuzzle your face right in between them. I’m guessing they won’t like the extra company. But sometimes you have to sacrifice to make the world better. And I say to you again, use this third step with much caution, be prepared to get some hurtful words thrown your way, and always be sure to pay attention to see if the boyfriend is twice your size and could throw you across the school. I don’t want anyone getting hurt. That wouldn’t be good. So use these steps, be sure to remember them and keep them close to your heart, for they will come quite handy in time of need. They are our only weapon against the enemy.
But now I must conclude my speech. I must ask you again to please recognize that this is a serious problem in our school. I cannot battle this beast on my own. I need your help. As one we can conquer PDA. I also must say that for those in this class who have performed their own PDA, please, please, please! Stop it now! Keep clean the minds of our younger generation. Save us from the horror, smooch your partner in private, save Lone Peak High School from pure humiliation. Lets stay World Class okay? Thank you for listening to me, talk to me after class if you want to ask me questions. Thank you.

Ako din, curious kung totoo bah ang Kulam, wanna meet one too, hehe. Nice blog you got here Jinky lalo na yung sa Shout-outs, heheh, Take care.

I stand corrected. Thank you for visiting!

- Jinky

God bless you!